Suitable for Thieves Ages 8 and Up

       As tourists exit the vaulted Crown Jewels in the Tower of London, they are herded into the obligatory gift shop. Apparently it’s illegal to let tourists out of an exhibit without presenting them with overpriced trinkets that they will assuredly buy because grandma simply cannot live without a mug with the coronation crown on it. Anyway, there was one item that seemed out of place and downright inappropriate. While the shop was mostly lined with the usual items (mugs, postcards, etc) I noticed a board game called “Outrage!” Well, this looked interesting. I picked up the box and to my surprise, the goal of the game was to steal the Crown Jewels. Seriously? Is this Candid Camera or something? Why on earth would the Tower of London supply their Crown Jewel gift shop with a game encouraging shoppers to steal the priceless jewels? It’s like serving alcohol at an AA meeting.
       I turned the box over to read the description. Like most board games, the back cover featured a picture of the game laid out with all the pieces. The board was a map of the building with all the exits clearly marked. Seriously? I looked around to make sure I wasn’t being laughed at for what was most likely some type of practical joke. No one was laughing, and rightly so. This was no practical joke. This was a very serious situation I had gotten myself into. I placed the game down quietly; making sure no one saw me. If I had been seen, God only knows what would’ve happened to me. Obviously, Scotland Yard had devised a clever plan to plant these board games in the gift shop in order to sniff out potential thieves. I moved stealthy to the other side of the store to stake out the unsuspecting jewel nappers. Being the detective that I am, I knew that anyone who went near those games was obviously a criminal mastermind. Except me, of course, I was the one and only exception.

      It didn’t take long for the first one to strike. An elderly Asian woman in her mid-sixties clad in a kitten sweater picked up the game box and studied its contents. She looked confused, as if she didn’t understand English. Well, that’s only what she wanted me to think. Clearly, she was a greedy criminal looking to get her paws all over the delectable royal jewels. She thought she could outmatch me, but she’s never been up against ol’ Detective Glasses before. As I made my way to tackle her and reveal her evil plans to the other tourists, she placed the game down and walked away. This was puzzling to me at first and then I realized what Scotland Yard was really up to. Anyone can pick up the game and look at it, but the real thieves were the ones who actually purchased it. One quick glance at the shrink-wrapped package was not enough for even the most seasoned criminal to formulate a break-in plan. A plan would require diligent studying of the Tower’s layout, which is only made possible by purchasing the board game (all major credit cards accepted).

        As I watched a Latina mother and her son plan their dastardly team effort, I noticed my class leaving the gift shop. As an aspiring amateur detective, I felt a sense of duty to protect the crown jewels, but realized that Scotland Yard knew what they were doing. I left with a smile on my face knowing that the Latina family would wind up exactly where they belonged, in jail for a very, very long time.